What is a relationship? At the basic level, it is a “connection” by means of which some communication and exchange takes place. Generally, it is between two or more living entities. For example – it can be between two or more humans like friends & couples or between humans and animals – like a man and his dog.
The “connection” can be founded strongly in any of the 3-planes –viz- physical, mental or spiritual. The existence of any “connection” between individuals is seen by some direct flow of “energy” between or among them. These energy flows can be in many forms – through the 5-sensory perceptions (sight, sound, smell, taste & touch) coupled with some physical action associated with it. For example, the man pats and fondles his dog. The dog reciprocates by smelling & licking him.
The basic foundation for all expressions in a relationship is also through the 5-senses for even emotional and intellectual exchanges. After all, intelligence is nothing but the judicious application of the data perceived, collected though the 5-senses for one’s own personal use, survival & pleasure.
When the connection and the main expressions of communications are governed primarily by physicality only – it is considered ordinary, normal or basic. This kind of relationship mostly exists among the plants & animals – or between humans with plants and animals. Can there be communication between humans and plants? Yes! Seeding, watering, growing, tending and harvesting is all part of human side of communication – while giving flowers, fruits and grains etc is part of plant side of communication. The relationship becomes so simple with animals and plants – as the basis is more physical than anything else – and also because what to give and what to expect back in the exchange are very clear on both sides in the beginning and end … always.
Relationship between or among humans gets very complicated because it is not free flowing exchange of simple material products – but gets into rigid definitions and conditionalities. Human relations get governed more by what we know and call to be “feelings” which are non physical. What is given and expected back are not fixed nor pre-defined – like with plants and animals. They are not fixed either qualitatively or quantitatively. The variations can be between zero to infinity. This realm is more mental than physical –ie- emotional & intellectual.
Human relationship is governed by three fundamental factors … ARC … Affinity – Reality – Communication. Communication creates common realities. Common realities create affinity. Affinity is the degree of liking – ie- the desire for proximity, both physical and mental. Thus ARC represents what we generally call “Understanding”. Higher the ARC – higher will be the understanding … stronger will be the relationship and bond.
All indications are that willful decisions not to communicate were a significant part of the
original factors which caused us to deteriorate. In any situation where you are unsure as to whether to say something or not, your best course (lacking any other reasons) would be to communicate rather than to keep your mouth shut. One of Hubbard’s most famous quotes is – “When in doubt, communicate”. And if you do get in trouble for communicating, the solution is often to communicate more rather than to back down.
Flinching at things and backing down from them leaves them free to operate against you.
That which is not confronted tends to persist. That which is fully viewed tends to come back under one’s control and ceases to affect one adversely. And so it is generally better to face up to things rather than to suppress them or hide them.
We have been at each others throats for a long time, in a mutually destructive tit for tat. We have taken turns for lifetime after lifetime playing good guys and bad guys. Both Jesus and Buddha saw this one and it is an important part of the road out. If you need more encouragement, then please realize that forgiving others lessens the weight of your own karma, for in forgiving them you forgive yourself as well. And we have all been around long enough to have tried every possible role and committed every dastardly deed at least a few times. The only way out is mutual forgiveness and an abandonment of vengeance and getting even.