What is a relationship? At the basic level, it is a “connection” by means of which some communication and exchange takes place. Generally, it is between two or more living entities. For example – it can be between two or more humans like friends & couples or between humans and animals – like a man and his dog.
The “connection” can be founded strongly in any of the 3-planes –viz- physical, mental or spiritual. The existence of any “connection” between individuals is seen by some direct flow of “energy” between or among them. These energy flows can be in many forms – through the 5-sensory perceptions (sight, sound, smell, taste & touch) coupled with some physical action associated with it. For example, the man pats and fondles his dog. The dog reciprocates by smelling & licking him.
The basic foundation for all expressions in a relationship is also through the 5-senses for even emotional and intellectual exchanges. After all, intelligence is nothing but the judicious application of the data perceived, collected though the 5-senses for one’s own personal use, survival & pleasure.
When the connection and the main expressions of communications are governed primarily by physicality only – it is considered ordinary, normal or basic. This kind of relationship mostly exists among the plants & animals – or between humans with plants and animals. Can there be communication between humans and plants? Yes! Seeding, watering, growing, tending and harvesting is all part of human side of communication – while giving flowers, fruits and grains etc is part of plant side of communication. The relationship becomes so simple with animals and plants – as the basis is more physical than anything else – and also because what to give and what to expect back in the exchange are very clear on both sides in the beginning and end … always.
Relationship between or among humans gets very complicated because it is not free flowing exchange of simple material products – but gets into rigid definitions and conditionalities. Human relations get governed more by what we know and call to be “feelings” which are non physical. What is given and expected back are not fixed nor pre-defined – like with plants and animals. They are not fixed either qualitatively or quantitatively. The variations can be between zero to infinity. This realm is more mental than physical –ie- emotional & intellectual.
Human relationship is governed by three fundamental factors … ARC … Affinity – Reality – Communication. Communication creates common realities. Common realities create affinity. Affinity is the degree of liking – ie- the desire for proximity, both physical and mental. Thus ARC represents what we generally call “Understanding”. Higher the ARC – higher will be the understanding … stronger will be the relationship and bond.
What is selfishness? We tend to use this word very loosely. If some one desires something strongly and acquires it – which he is not prepared to share easily with others – we immediately tend to call him selfish. Is that actually selfishness? Working for wealth, larger income, greater comforts, additional possessions, sound financial security, stability in life, self preservation, emotional security, better education for children, better family welfare, more pleasures in life etc …. None of them can be classified as selfishness! They are all simple mechanisms of enhancing one’s own survival potential against the possible future challenges in life.
Some people argue that selfishness is the basic drive behind all human actions – that there is a selfish motive behind every simple action of a human – be it in friendship, marriage or even worship of God. Even falling in love has a selfish motive. A mother’s or parental love has hidden selfish motive to get back something in future from their children. All these arguments betray nothing but ignorance. Self preservation and self enhancement can never be called selfishness – as that is the basic instinct – the absence of which can be called unnatural. Ambitions and aims of life can never be classified as selfishness – as that is the purpose of life. Then what is selfishness?
Life is all about “Survival”. No matter what you do – it is always for the purpose of momentary survival –or- to enhance future potential for survival.
Primary cause of pain is enforcement. This can be internally self-imposed, or externally imposed by others. An enforced compression (blow) – or- enforced expansion (pull) on any body part can cause pain. Similarly on the mind too! If a capable person is given lesser position of responsibility – it amounts to enforced compression and thus the pain. Similarly if an incapable person is given heavy responsibility – if amounts to enforced expansion and thus the pain again.
Pleasure is pro-survival. Pain is contra-survival.
Hence all our conscious actions are directed towards obtaining pleasure and avoiding pain. But our sub-conscious instincts drive us and misdirect us towards pain – as a result of confusion – while actually seeking pleasure.
Pain is inevitable in life – as life is dynamic. But sufferance is optional. Read the rest of this entry